Colonialism, Exploration, and Becoming a Student of Yoga
When I was 15 years old, I discovered the mental, physical, and spiritual healing effects of yoga. Now 12 years later, I am returning to a dream of getting my teacher training in India. A whole new person, revisiting a fantasy that doesn’t belong to me but my child self. I’m trusting a past version of Chichi - one that was dedicated to movement as a healing practice. I know they have something to teach me - after all movement was my first addiction before I let the tar and smoke settle into my lungs. As I embark on my journey to quit cigarettes and regain my mental, physical, and spiritual health, I need her healing and wisdom more than ever.
What I feel:
Internally - a deep knowing that yoga has brought me the mental, physical and spiritual gifts I need to be a balanced, flexible, and strong human.
Externally - a fear of judgement for fitting into this story line around appropriation, white washing, and commercialization. A fear of this being true. A fear of dishonoring the practice and teachings.
I resist the stereotype of the white hippy girl from California doing commercial yoga.
And so I dive deep to understand how to navigate being a student and potential teacher of a practice that is not mine.
Amber Brown speaks on colonialism and exploration in her podcast, Surviving the End of the World.
In the episode “Organizing in Space: What Movement Organizing and Space Exploration Can Learn from One Another” - Amber asks,
“Is there a difference between exploration and colonization?
You can frame it as the ethics, the ethics of the activity itself…How do we know if we are engaging ethically in the practice of exploration?…What we don’t want to do is make it a very binary question- either we can or we can’t (explore). I think we have to let it be more complicated than that.”
She continues by questioning the drive - is it for individual reward or is it for and with the collective in mind. She hones this concept further,
“A colonizer changes but does not want to be changed in response.
I am going to touch and change this thing but I will not let myself be changed. What Octavia is putting forth there is all that you touch you change and it will change you in response…Our survival hinges on our willingness to be transformed. As Mary Hooks would say, “to be transformed in the service of the work.” If we are going to not colonize, we have to be willing to confront in ourselves…are we willing to be different? Like are we willing to be changed and transformed through whatever process is about to unfold.”
And so I go into this adventure, humble, open with the eyes and heart of a student. I know yoga is not mine and I know I will inherently change the practice as I allow it to change me. I’m not sure what I will do with my learnings yet, but I do hope to understand body, spirit, and mind connection - if it brings me the healing I crave, I assure you I will bring it to the community. I will do my best to provide an accessible space for our collective healing while prioritizing good relations with the practice and the culture it is derived from.
I have come up with guidelines for myself during this journey
(inspired by Brown's insights and the podcast episode Let's Talk Yoga - "Cultural Appropriation 2.0 with Vikram Jeet Singh"):
🌸 I search for healing so that my soul can rest. 🌸 I share knowledge and reference my teachers and elders. 🌸 My learning is continuous, I acknowledge and take accountability for my mistakes. 🌸 I do not tell myself I can or cannot explore. 🌸 I am a student moving through change. 🌸 I acknowledge that the work will impact me as I impact it.🌸
I'm sure that my guidelines will shift as I start my teacher training next week.
